Cancer

Monday, January 19, 2009

im counting down to my ojt ends...tat is on the 1st march this yr...cant believe tat i hv worked here for 4 mths plus though..tot i would give up sooner coz may be because of me? my mouth? my attitude? if not nw, maybe they will give me the letter when my ojt ends..who knws, tat's when they will start sighing meaning of peace....i dont know...this whole thing could juz be my imagination...but nvrtheless, i will still start my countdown to the 1st march...afta tat, i can stay to work here tats if they still want me too...but thinking back, i shld juz stay, shouldnt be so fussy bout wat job i have rite nw coz the government is unstable n on recession. and, most companies are firing their employees. and now, there are lots of unemployment singapore citizen out there looking for job opportunities. tats y, i shld juz stick to 1 working place. shld throw away my stubborness n listen to wat older generation say..tat may be wise enough. and, i shld learn n acquire new skills/talents..bt hopefully, things will start to go smooth afta tat....

~ 1:31 AM

Saturday, December 20, 2008

christmas is coming & there are alot of events to do....hmmm....and there's also the new yr to celebrate the coming 2009. i wonder what should i wish for? to become mature in terms of mentality n emotionally? to be able to hv the ability to socialise and knw how to communicate w/o hurting other pple's feelings? to strengthen my mind so as not to get easily provoke, manipulate by other pple esp guys......

come to think of it, guys are really pain in the butt! they make gals worry for them....until i dont hv anything else to say...they like to make gal despise them? making them jealous juz for their own pleasure, so as to see whether the gals are jealous or not? i mean, in this world of ours, there are more population of girls rather than guys....and, so, u can see that guys are 2 timing the galfrend or ex galfrend...still, i dont like the fact tat guys are being so fickle minded...why go all the way to there juz so to make ur ex or ur galfrend jealous? this doesnt make any sense at all...

if u are a foreign guy picking on a singaporean gal, then it would mean trouble for that gal...coz, in reality, why choose singaporean gal juz for ur own desire/pleasure & in the end, u would do something to hurt that pity singaporean gal? why not ur own foreign gals, in ur own country? pple say tat his own country, the gals there are much better, much much prettier, much smarter, than our own gals....so why singaporean gals? u come to singapore here, mingle with our gals and hurt them in the process, yet she is kind hearted by giving u something as a farewell gift....i wouldnt blame the gal but i would blame the guy for doing all those to her...in the end, you wouldnt msg or call her or even talk to her but talking to someone else....i truly understand the gal's emotions but its so pityful....

juz recently, i met this nepalese guy again in my workplace, but he is not alone...he is wif my other ex colleagues and 1 nepalese gal frend....is this de ja vu for me? again? i hv seen guys bringing their own galfrend to work and before this, they juz say, "i dont hv a galfrend back home" what nonsense is tat? maybe they are all frends but who knows what the future brings? they say "love is blind" but is it all tat there is to it? love is not blind for all u knw....its juz that we, human beings make love blind itself n why muz we stick on to that phrase? open ur eyes wide and see that he is hurting u in every way....

he is doing all this juz so tat he could prove to u tat he can find other gals who is much better in terms of everything to u...by making u jealous, by manipulating u, by making u despise/hate him...he is like a devil in disguise.....by provoking u, making u angry, u already hv a deep grudge against him, tat would mean tat u would have make a sin...bt really, guys like him dont deserve ur pitiness, ur love, ur caring, is truly not worth of tat anymore....im sorry everyone, looks like i have done alot of damage here n there....i would turn back the time n change everything tat has happened here but wats done is done...juz let bygones be bygones....who knows, he might regret it by now since he is going to go back tmr....who knws there are better chances for me at the end of the journey....life has always been a challenging n a real journey for someone like me....juz need to take 1 step at a time but he will always be a step behind me.....

"when u fail, u stand up again n again til u get it correct"..."when u give up, everything u do will be meaningless....." i hv failed so many times in the matters of heart, in studies n in work but if dont give up, there will still be chances for me" "Allah will always open his door if u repent for the better, if u still hv the will to move on" doesnt mean tat u dont fail in everything, means u have succeed, or u have to show off ur ego...the real challenge has juz begun....

~ 9:02 PM

Thursday, December 04, 2008

pple say"think b4 u act" & "practice wat u preach"..but i didnt do it...im nt superficial if tats wat u think...tink too much also, i still do it....haiz....very sian rite? i preach to others but nvr preach to myself. even if i regret wat im doing nw oso no use....i juz dont do it again n again n again n 100% sure, gurantee tat hopefully i wont do it again....if there is a way to stop the time n turn back to the past, i will sure go for it n change everything n making sure tat i have my ways to prevent such things if it were to befall or happen to me...im grateful for my frends for their advices n help all this while coz w/o them, im a goner n a miserable person..juz tat im nt a socialise person n nw, i protect or defend myself frm trusting too many pple, esp when u noe someone is using u for their own desire or pleasure. of coz we got our own reasons for maybe distancing or wat nt, but think again, is it worth it? is it worth distancing nw than b4? why not b4 u get someone's feelings hurt than nw? thinking really is not my forte....but if tat is to happen to me again, i really nid to be on guard, defense, n no boyfrend for me nw....

"to love someone is different than to be loved by someone" "you'll only knw she love u when she is away frm u, so cherish her while she is still here" "to be in love is a great thing but once u have fallen deep in love is a terrible thing" "love is blind, becoz we, humans make it blind by falling in love with the wrong partner". "if we are fated to be together, our paths will crossed again in yrs to come, so dont fret" "do nt listen to ur heart alone, listen to ur mind n soul, then u will be able to do things tat will benefit n good for you"

wats this? am i getting too old or too corny?

Labels: is there no end to this?

~ 5:52 AM

all this time, i've been bickering, arguing wif this guy colleague of mine.....if im ruthless, i wld juz say tat i dont know him or he is not my classmate but i didnt....i am not born ruthless or evil. every one of us are born wif a light n dark personality or attitude within us. its whether we want to be a goody goody person or a baddy baddy person...life is a real journey to me.. to me, my journey doesnt end here, it only ends when i give up everything....i hv been unlucky since i start my work n know this guy..nt only him, those days i worked n loved a guy...i've been very unlucky to met such a guy....a gal is like eg: a tool for a guy to use n when he has found another new n fresh tool, he will pick up n will throw away the old tool....im not a trash, a toy, a tool to be used or to be pushed away one corner...once he will be interested n the next thing he will not be coz he has found someone new to be wif....how long must i endure this?? im nt hving fun doing all this bickering or arguing. maybe im only contented wif him going away back home?
is it fun for those guys doing all this to me?? are they even thinking of my feelings b4 n now?? seeing is believing n wat pple hear also they believe..of coz i get to see things wif my own 2 eyes, what to expect frm tat?? i have eyes, ears....im not dumb or deaf n definitely, im nt enjoying this...not tat i dont use my brain to think or i dont hv any common sense...but really, if u use ur heart n nt ur brain to think n listen wif ur heart, then i will suffer even more than nw.

working wif a foreigner is different than working wif our own pple...n even to fall in love wif a foreigner is different than being wif a local.. coz a local know what to expect frm us n they will treat us evenly, but a foreigner.....haiz.....im nt bias or racism coz i treat pple like pple not a dog
or a cat...but if im being treated like one by someone, then how?? pple always say "let bygones be bygones" or "let nature takes its course" or "learn to give n take"..of coz now, i look like a bad person coz it makes me look like one....somehow i really think tat this is not my place n time to be here...if only, i take my course at a different private sch maybe i might be able to prevent such things frm happening...bt frm this tough journey, maybe there will be something good for me at the end....but, afta wat has happen to me throughout my journey, is it time for me to end all this??

Labels: life is really a journey.......

~ 5:03 AM

Saturday, September 27, 2008

haloooo....recently i hv changed frm better to worse. i can tell becoz this is me. its not like i let my emotions control me this time round but more like i have become quite uncomfortable due to my ex classmates working wif me....last time was okay but now its like de ja vu...i already say that i want to be access individually, not that i am someone's classmate. i am an independent person so its better this way....as for tat ex-classmate of mine, well, wat to do? he IS my work colleague now tat i've entered that workplace. most of the servers there are a nepalese, same wif him....OMG! i am a muslim, singaporean...we have different beliefs, cultures....i dont speak too much wif my tat guy though.....only when im spoken too, then i speak....in any case, i have an objectives here. i want to earn my own money so tat i can support my family, and i want to be able to work here to complete my ojt for 6 mths.....hopefully! IF ALLAH IS WILLING! (Insyaallah) and, im not here for making pple like me or make them proud of me for something or for who i am...i came here to work and i want to do my work well & atleast i want to be able to feel the enjoyness like before (serving customers & making them happy)....so, bottom line: i dont really care wat others complain about me..i juz do wat they want from me....in the end, if i serve customers better, they will pass the word of mouth for me...

~ 2:34 PM

Friday, September 26, 2008

hey there!! how are ya??? too bad for me though coz i receive a harsh critics.....i dont expect tat but still......hay! i do this blog, the editing, the photos, all by myself ok? i dont juz cut & paste a new template to mine....so, cut the slack, will ya?? i know its boring...but this is more of like my personal diary...juz tat i let pple view n comment on it....well, lets see.....any new interesting ideas from you guys bout my blog?? do u have any comments bout the way i set my pictures or the way i set my layout for my blog?? if there's any interesting comments or ideas, pls send me a comment n share it wif me.....i wld love to hear ya! adios!

Labels: oh well.........

~ 8:59 AM

Saturday, September 13, 2008

i have juz amend my fonts including the size & the colour too! i juz feel tat my blog needs a change but cant do too much amendment coz i dont have any frontpage anymore....if i have it, i can maybe amend it alot....oh well, no one is complaning to me....besides, i think its okay for my blog to be like tat....my blog reflects me, u know....but the cartoon, well, its not entirely a cartoon, its my favourite game frm ps 1. some say, if i put lots of cartoons to it, then it will be too childish for me....but then, wat is it wif comments like tat anyway? then, how do you define a mature looking blog?? something which is boring, dull looking? i dont know how to put a music/midi to my blog but oh well....this is juz fine to me.....well, i can only say 1 thing: THIS IS ME! let others say wat they want about me.....

Labels: am i childish?

~ 6:36 AM

Saturday, September 06, 2008

u noe, yesterday was my younger bro's 22 bday....and, at the same time, was the release of the nitec in F & B Operation exam results for June series......my heart was beating fast....hope i dont get a heart attack for this!! hehehehhe.....oh well.....i have yet to take my result frm my sch but i did get to know my grades n GPA point.....oh then, here goes.......i feel so much alive n happy when i was told tat im on top....and there, i tot tat someone else got it...but i am happy to know tat im on top!! hee hee he...i wanted to cry but tears wont fall down....maybe is it becoz i already know my grades??? i do have a feeling of confidence tat i will be able to pass well in this course, but this is surprising to me......somehow, i feel blessed by the GOD, u noe? maybe tats y im able to manage this far...but then, i cant juz stop here...i have to be able to get to poly (if can), then pass wif a diploma cert, to be able to get a better job, wif better prospect.....tat is wat i want, tats my goal for now....at last, i am a somebody frm being a nobody!! i dont have a lot of ego, pride but i am proud of myself coz im able to go this far...all by myself.....my family juz support me frm behind......

~ 10:59 PM